It is now finally safe to say, that G & I are going to have a baby!

As of today, I’m am 12 weeks pregnant! This means I am past my first trimester.

I wish I could tell you a glamorous & romantic story of how it was all “planned” and like someone asked, if I knew with my “female instincts” that I was pregnant- but it really didn’t go down like that. Up until the day I found out -which was coincidentally Mothers Day, my week had been filled with alcohol binges, social smoke fests & eating all the things that were big taboos for a pregnancy (like oysters, sushi, sashimi…yum). Fast forward to GP visits, blood tests & a ‘dating’ ultrasound, it is formally confirmed that our baby will be due on the 01.01.2016.

 After the immediate joy G and I shared after confirming the pregnancy, I was struck with a sense of fear.

While I knew there’s a good possibility that I could get pregnant, we had anticipated a rough timeline in my head as to when we thought it would happen- like the future (being 1-2 years later). Having a Type A personality, I crave a certain level of control over every aspect of my life and once that was stripped away, I was left terrified & lost. I disliked not having answers to basic questions, like how I was going to feel during my pregnancy, labour pains or how a baby would affect my relationship with G, family, friends and my job(people tend to put you in a box you know) Admittedly, it seems silly that those were my biggest fears, but I was so caught off guard I initially mourned my old life instead of celebrating what was to come.

I think there are a lot of expectations surrounding motherhood and I felt the first hints of that pressure when I became pregnant- especially when others around me start questioning my birth plans, the hospital I chose, my health cover?! if I am taking any birth classes, or even how I plan to raise our child (info/question overload!). Even worse, some people even found joy in reminding me of all the ‘fun’ stuff I will be missing out on – like I don’t already know myself. I found that people start judging your choices from here on. While some women feel overly elated the moment they become pregnant, I realized that it’s both unrealistic and unfair to impose such high standards and expectations on myself. And as soon as I acknowledged that it was okay for me to feel nervous & that it is OK not to be so ‘by-the-book’ all the time, things began to click, in the best way possible.

I’ve started seeing myself in this new role.

Moms & moms-to-be, what are your thoughts?