So…. I’ve been contemplating about posting this up for a while now & today I thought what the heck. About 5 months ago, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. I know right… it sounds so…. devastating. And it was, for the first few months. It started out with my right eye. I woke up one day around February & it just felt swollen- like when you are about to have a pink eye- except it wasn’t. Then it progressively felt worse. It was extremely dry when I wake up & when I blinked, it felt soooo painful & sore- I’d end up with a non-stop stream of tears. I was suddenly really sensitive to light- up to a point where it was difficult for me to drive to work because my eyesight became really cloudy, uncontrollably teary & I couldn’t keep it open for more than a second. I also started having double vision. I went to see an optometrist & he said it was just very dry & told me to get some eyedrops. This method, obviously didn’t last very long. G kept reassuring me that it’s “just probably an eyelash stuck in your eye’ or ‘a pimple that’s growing inside the lid”. Husbands. I knew he was saying this to stop me from freaking out so much. Finally, even my colleagues started noticing…one actually pointed out jokingly “What’s wrong with your eye?!” My confidence level became so low that I stopped wanting to have lunch in the lunch room because I was so insecure of people noticing my eye & then me forcibly having to make jokes & having to “talk about it”. Finally, I went to my GP & also an ophthalmologist who both got me to take a blood test because they reckoned it had to do with the thyroid gland. What the hell was a Thyroid I thought? Was this one of those gluten free BS? Results proved that I have Hyperthyroidism- which is what makes you skinny. It’s no wonder that my weight had dropped to 51KG. I know friends have told me how ‘skinny’ I looked, but I thought it was just this ‘diet’ I was doing. And honestly, besides the eye, I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t feel the typical signs of someone with Hyperthyroidism…. I was always anxious- or I always joked, have ‘heart palpitations’, but I thought that was just me being paranoid. There is also Hypothyroidism, which is makes is hard for people to lose weight. Familiar now? Before you say Hyperthyroidism is a blessing… read this. I was then referred to see a specialist- an Endocrinologist & she confirmed that I have Hyperthyroidism…but in particular Graves Disease & Thyroid Eye Disease– because my right eye was literally bulging by this stage, and the reason why it was so sore was because I couldn’t close my eyelid when I sleep. I had hand tremors that I never realised I had…she held out my hands, put a piece of paper above it & it was trembling. She told me straight away that I can & should have surgery to have the thyroid gland removed. ‘Surgery? Through my throat?!” Just too much info for me to process. I was shocked & scared. I’ve heard of Graves but only because Pez was diagnosed with it. My specialist was talking away about other various methods of treatments, but I felt really empty. I felt like I was in a dream state & just wanted to fall back asleep. She told me if left untreated, I will suffer Osteoporosis & most likely, a stroke. Again, blank space. But the part that hit me most was, being told that I most likely will suffer a miscarriage or stillbirth if I have kids now or the next year. We haven’t planned for a 2nd child just yet, but being told you really must not, has a very different effect. So, after this, I had a big sob on the way home, big sob to G on the phone, big sob literally every time I thought about it. I felt really down. I felt so disappointed with myself… even though I was told that there was nothing I could’ve done to stop it from happening & that I wouldn’t have known, I blamed myself. It was hard being around people…especially chirpy people. I mean I was always chirpy & it was hard enough being me. I think I might have even been depressed actually. Of course, I shared this information with my family- thank GOD for sisters & close friends who gave me words of encouragement, G, who is always there for me & my number 1 support…and most importantly, my Marlowe who kept my mental sanity. I just couldn’t be a mess around her. Slowly but surely, I felt better & mentally better. I am currently on meds which have shown improvement to my eye. I received good news from a skull and eye MRI that I don’t need surgery on my eye at all.  I have a made a decision on what to do from here, but I will keep you posted… I guess I am being open about this because I want you to know anything can happen to you. It might as serious as I thought it initially was, but nonetheless it’s still quite personal to me & I want to show that my life -or anyones life isn’t always perfect. Life is indeed so short. This reminded me of what truly matters: surrounding yourself with family & friends that literally and figuratively keep you going.

Here, you can see that my right eye (your left) is still slightly “bigger/bulgier”